Why you SHOULDN'T be like Edward Cullen
by Bianca K
Summary: Sasuke Uchiha thought he was the best boyfriend ever until he heard his girlfriend talk about this Edward fellow. Apparently he's the best boyfriend ever! FML... Rated for mentions of mature content. AU OOC Sasu/Saku


HI everyone! Okay this idea was given to me by one of my…"friends" more like class mates. We were talking about face book which lead to Twilight and him making fun of it so yeah… Review Please! Thanks –Bianca K. btw this is **rated M**

**Key: **

"Talking out loud"

"_Talking in head" _

Sasuke Uchiha was a simple man. He never asked for much. He never cared for much. And he only loved a few things such as **his** girl friend Sakura Haruno, sexting **his** girlfriend Sakura Haruno, and having sex with **his** girlfriend Sakura Haruno. His life before had been bleak but then she came in and guess what? She didn't even look at him! He, Sasuke Uchiha, the perfect boy with the perfect looks and to top it off the mysterious bad ass attitude to go with it! HE was the complete package! And that was him being "modest"!

**-Flash back-**

"The Sasuke beast approached the lone Sakura deer, but this deer isn't such a dear (get the pun?)! Oh no folk, this deer has a furious bite! IT seems as though the Sasuke beast is about to start the mating proce…. OUCH! TEME WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"

"Hn, dobe…" said Sasuke has he lowered his hand from previously hitting the blonde knuckle head and somehow his best friend.

"Oh come on Teme lighten up I was only kidding!"

Sasuke had just come back from **trying and failing** to seduce Sakura Haruno the only disturbance in his life. He wasn't sure what it was about her, but she was ALWAYS on his mind and he hated it. For the last four weeks he had been trying to get her into bed because she had turned down his offer MANY times now. In every single possible way which include: saying no politely, saying no loudly, slapping him on the arm, slapping him in the face , punching him (leaving a bruise but he covered it up), and finally kicking him where the sun does not shine (that one was yesterday and it still hurt to stand…) Every now and then he was even caught by Naruto trying to massage that particular bruise away to ease the pain but instead it got his little hormonal teenage mind into thinking of a particular blossom's hands on there and WHA-LAH! Now he is stuck with not only a bruised "part" but also a raging hard on! And the worst part, the little vixen seems to have planned it out that way because every time he was shifting uncomfortable and his eyes were in a glare she **smirked at him**! And that was the last straw.

**-End of Flash Back- **

From then on he cornered her at every turn, stalked her everywhere in every possible way. And after so and so months and blah blah blah conversations they got together! **(a/n: I am not going to go into detail on how they got together but if enough of you ask I can always try to write something up about it) **

Sasuke walked up to his girlfriend's door and opened it with the spare key she had given him. He walked inside, took off his shoes, and went upstairs to his girlfriend's room to find her talking on the phone with her best friend Ino Yamanaka. And you know what he heard, "I totally agree with you Ino! Edward is like the perfect boyfriend in like every way! So dreamy, romantic, mysterious… -sigh-". Now that hit Sasuke Uchiha like a lightning bolt! The first thought that popped into that little mind of his was, is she cheating on me? And that question needed an answer…NOW!

"Sakura…" said Sasuke is a deathly whisper. Sakura who had finally noticed his presence said," Hey Ino Pig I gotta go Sauke Kun's here… uh huh…. Yeah… okay… Ja ne!"

"Hey Sasuke Kun!" said a cheery Sakura who had gotten up off her bed and went to give Sasuke a hug. She then noticed moments later that he hadn't returned the hug.

"What's wrong Sasuke kun?" a worried expression plastered on her face.

"Sakura… Are you cheating on me, because I heard Ino and you talking about this Edward person and even though I love you if you aren't happy with me then…" he was stopped when saw a pink haired girl clutching her stomach , doubled over in a laughing fit. He was actually worried she wouldn't be able to breathe with all the laughing! Then he stopped, why was she laughing? So he waited impatiently for her to stop because he knew it would be useless to try and get a conversation out of a giggling Sakura.

When She had finally stopped laughing in the straightest voice she could use she said, "Sasuke Kun don't worry I am not and will never cheat on you, got that!" Sasuke let out the breath he hadn't even known he was holding.

"And second I was talking about the my favorite thing in the whole wide world (that stung a bit for Sasuke when he heard that HE wasn't the best thing ever)Twilight!"

Sasuke stared at her with a blank face…

"You know the epic romance between the human Bella Swan and the vampire Edward Cullen and the fight to survive and with stand all things that try to tear down there love!"

Still a blank face…. Not even a spark….

"Ino was just telling me that if every boy was like EDWARD CULLEN then the world would be a better place; he is like the PERFECT boy friend!" This caused a growl to escape Sasuke's lips.

"Twilight is like the MANUAL for every PERFECT BOYFRIEND!" Sasuke was standing there his bangs shadowed his eyes from sight. His body was rigid. But what really surprised her was what he did next. Sasuke angrily walked over to Sakura's book case, grabbed the Twilight book, and walked out the door where she heard a loud BANG from her front door signaling his leave. Little did she know she had just shouted a challenge and Sasuke Uchiha had just accepted…

From that day forward Sasuke poured over the book memorizing every single detail there was. Everywhere you went you would see Sasuke Uchiha reading what he considered one of the most clichés stories ever and catnip for girls. Fan girls squealed when they saw the manly Sasuke Uchiha reading Twilight in public while the guys laughed at him for reading such a girly book. But Sasuke didn't care, Sakura had stated a challenge and he had accepted, for Sasuke Uchiha never backs down from a fight and a book wasn't going to be the one who bested him!

By the time the weekends had come once again Sasuke was again walking up to his girlfriend's door and opening it with the spare key. It felt like déjàvu. He closed the door, took off his shoes, and went to up to his girlfriend's from. There he found her typing away at her computer. He crept up behind her and said, "Boo!" she screamed and jumped into his arms where he laid her on the bed and kissed her forehead. He then went to see what she had typed and immediately frowned. "_What was she doing on that ridiculous website Fanfiction?" _ And the worst part was she was writing a story about the character Sasuke **(coincidence much lol)** in her favorite T.V. anime "Naruto" as a vampire and his teammate Sakura **(another coincidence)** in an epic romance. He had always wondered why it seemed his friends and he had names from the weird ninja show but never said anything about it. Any way he turned around a scowl on his face and said,

"Sakura what are you doing on FANFICTION?"

"Well I….uhhh…."

"Never mind, Sakura… I have read your…. _(horrible, cliché, weird)…_book_,_ andthis is what I have discovered."

"You want me to be a fifty plus year old man, that's a virgin, kills people for a living, isn't even human, drinks people's blood, and **sparkles** in the sun." said Sasuke bluntly. His face was passive as he watched the happy look on Sakura's face vanished that very moment. And it felt as though a cold draft had entered the room as she merely stared at Sasuke. Her face was blank, no emotion at all.

Then after the momentary silence she said,"Sasuke you are WAY better than Edward and have just replaced Twilight from being my favorite thing in the whole wide world." And Sasuke merely broke out into a grin.

Sorry it was a bad ending! Sorry to those who like LOVE Twilight! Don't get me wrong I like the series to but I could like totally imagine Sasuke like ruining Twilight with his bluntness so I decided to write about it! PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks –Bianca K


End file.
